My brother was diagnosed with depression years before I was, and because of that he started therapy years before I did.
I still remember when I was a young teen and he was playing a Nirvana song and he stopped it at this one line: “I miss the comfort of being sad”
He told me that when you start to get better, there’s a part of you that misses being sad and that if you start feeling that way you have to be extra extra aware and careful because if you indulge the feeling you’ll go down a self-destructive spiral
And even though that was years and years ago, I think about it all the time. Especially when I’m reading discourse on the idea of getting so attached to mental illness as an identity that you don’t want to improve things because you feel safe in it and don’t know who you are without it
I always think of that line “I miss the comfort of being sad” and my brother’s warning
I’m crazy that I set up Uber drivers on dates with other people (Fun Fact: in Paris, I found my Uber driver his girlfriend. They are still together) or that I take my dogs on vacation (just us of course– no humans allowed). I’ve dated men only to tell them the date of our imminent breakup. I call it expiration dating. I highly recommend it. In my younger years, I moved to New York after watching one episode of Sex and the City. I have been known to go on holiday with perfect strangers.
In 2009, I had a nervous breakdown. Shortly after the breakdown I was diagnosed as bipolar. I got my pills and more or less, it’s been managed since.
I have no qualms about sharing that I’m bipolar. It took me seven years to get to where I am right now. I’m more accepting and I don’t feel shame for having such a condition. I know when an episode is about to hit and I also know how to manage it.
Does being bipolar make me crazy? Nope. It simply means I have a medical condition.
I make it a point to share to any man that I date that I am bipolar, right off the bat. It just seems fair that they know this about me. Yes, it’s risky as they may flee or use it later on to stigmatize me. Believe me, both have happened. I used to be very private about it so these dickheads don’t get a hall pass when they do dickhead things. Assholes can use that as leverage. In the wrong hands, assholes can really make you feel inadequate.  I’m bipolar therefore I’m unstable. So it’s my fault all the time. I’ve fallen for this trick in the past. Now I simply block them from my phone—the digital version of closing the door.
Whether a girl is bipolar or not, it’s easy for a man to call a woman crazy. Consider the double standard. A man is an ardent suitor when he is persistent. When a woman does exactly the same thing, she’s a stalker. Men who sleep around are playboys. Women who sleep around are sluts. Men who refuse to marry are bachelors. Women who refuse to get married are old maids. A man who dares is admirable. A woman who dares is crazy.
So women are kind of screwed. Instead of seeing them as misunderstood, they are instead over-simplified. To the men reading this article, take this as an example. Many of you guys see owning a sports car as your first step to world domination. First big bonus usually goes to a car dealership. You slide into one and to the untrained ass, the distance between the car and the cement is so close you end up tumbling inside instead of expertly sinking in. A man’s first time in a sports car is hardly sexy. You rev up the engine and it starts growling like a Tigress in heat. Everything in the car starts blinking frantically, and maintaining that stone-faced expression that is meant to conceal your inexperience dramatically crumbles.
The scariest thing of all is, of course, the stick. For a driver who has only known automatic shifts, going manual is like learning Chinese in thirty minutes.
Sport cars are not for sissies and neither are “crazy” women.
Now what is crazy? A woman is called crazy when she voices out her opinions. She’s crazy if she doesn’t want to get married. She’s crazy if she dumps a boyfriend and prioritizes her job. A woman is crazy if she’s ambitious. Actually, anything that an independent and intelligent woman does can be labeled crazy.
Sure there are the Gone Girls, but that’s for another article. The other breed of “crazy” women are daring, unconventional and badass. In an irony-deficient country such as ours, their sarcastic humor outdoes their boobs and asses.
These crazy women are probably the most interesting women you will ever meet. Men can be uneasy with a “crazy” aka strong woman’s power. Think of Zelda Fitzgerald. She was willful, and was made to think she was crazy for her unconventional ways. It took a lot but she broke down as her F. Scott Fitzgerald slowly killed himself by drinking. He made Zelda feel strange for her amazing talent, so she wouldn’t shine. Instead of going from party to party she then started going from asylum to asylum.
It will take time for men to perfect the art of appreciating a “crazy” woman. To be able to accept her power, strength and independence is learned. It’s cruel to expect a man to know what to do in a Ferrari on the first try. It’s the same thing with the “crazy” woman.  He will learn as he does with his complicated sports car that it’s not the car’s fault that it’s not smooth sailing in the beginning. Loving a woman after all is an art. Practice makes perfect.
——————
Yeah I spent five hellish, abusive, fucked up, suicidal , sexually assaulting years with a “crazy woman” and it did not build character.
It built distrust, fear, and Trauma that I fight with every single day.
Under no circumstance that my abusive ex girlfriend make me or my life better.
The uphill battle I fight everyday to make myself a better person and heal from my pain is what makes me better.
STOP GLORIFYING AND EXCUSING TOXIC AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR 2019
I like how there is a term in the first line used as a homophobic slur against gay men
That first headline is giving me whiplash. Strong, independent, and intelligent women aren’t crazy. Crazy women are crazy.
An ex told me I was crazy because I wouldn’t drop everything I had going on to go visit him 8 hours away. I had my family to take care of. He called me crazy because I didn’t want to spend money to go see him. He accused me of so much shit within a month of dating. It amazed me how much shit he was spewing but didn’t realize he was the loon.
Another ex told me I was a crazy cunt for being upset and angry because he cheated on me.
God forbid my ex best friend wasn’t called crazy even though she faked being pregnant to try to keep the guy (even when he had already broken up with her because she cheated on him). God forbid she wasn’t called crazy for manipulating and abusing every boyfriend she had or for doing the same shit to me.
God forbid I call another ex friend crazy even though she clung to me and talked about our ex every minute. She fucked his best friend to “get revenge” on him.
God forbid I call my mom crazy for screaming at my dad over literally nothing.
But yeah, the smart and independent women are crazy.
Here’s the thing: a lot of these people are smart. They’re so smart they redefine their inappropriate behavior to make themselves seem more reasonable and level-headed than they actually are. Crazy means a lot of things. Crazy can mean controlling, impulsive, selfish, unsympathetic, manipulative, overdependent.. But when you hear them or well-meaning people describe them they don’t use these words.
They’re not controlling, they’re just “insecure” or “worried.”
They’re not impulsive, they’re just “fun” or “feisty.”
They’re not selfish, they just “know what they need” and are “independent,”
They’re not unsympathetic, they just “put themselves first.”
They’re not manipulative, they just “wanted to help” or “thought they knew best.”
They’re not overdependent, they’re just “devoted.”
And when you don’t behave they way they want or when you don’t accept the behavior they use the same redefinition against you. They try to gaslight you because they and other people in their lives have altered what you think is healthy and appropriate behavior.
Don’t accept their controlling behavior? Well, you’re the crazy one. You have something to hide or you don’t want them.
Don’t accept their impulsive behavior? Well, you’re the crazy one. You’re boring. You’re controlling. You need to loosen up. You’re anxious.
Don’t accept their selfish behavior? Well, you’re the crazy one. You want them to settle. You think you’re more important. You’re the actual selfish person here!
Don’t accept their manipulative behavior? Well, you’re the crazy one. You just misunderstood. They just helped you make the right decision. You just can’t see they were worried about you.
Don’t accept their overdependent behavior? Well, you’re the crazy one. You’re not loyal. You don’t care about them. You don’t love them as much as they love you.
